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2004-12-04 - 12:50 p.m.

"Do one thing, every day, that scares you".

Sage advice indeed, but do I really live up to it? Of course, there's so much that scares me, I think it might be impossible to NOT do something everyday that scares me. I wonder when I became so timid. I don't remember always being like this. Or at least, I don't remember letting fear stop me so much. I think I've always been a worrier.

But as a kid, I used to ramble around everywhere and anywhere, for hours, when no one knew where I was. I think about that now, and I feel sad that we've past a time when a kid could really do that, and I marvel that there ever was such a time. I was born in such a weird time. Everything has changed so much. We went from never locking our doors to triple locking them. Heh.

I went to the gym yesterday, even though I was tired and headachy. That felt good. I was proud of myself for that, and the fact that I can finally touch fingers on a left side Cow's Head pose really went a long way in making me feel better about my weight loss (or lack thereof). Andre says that this is normal; that I'm just putting on muscle and the fact that I haven't gained weight shows that the WW is working. I say - bullshit man, I need to be losing 50lbs YESTERDAY. I mean, I can tell that I'm becoming more toned, but DAMN! I've been working my ass off, only to be dicking around with these same couple pounds for over a week now. WTF??

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