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2005-03-05 - 10:32 p.m.

Ups and downs today.

Weight Watchers tomorrow will be hell; I'll be up from last week, and all because I had to have pizza Friday. The power their scale has over me has lessened, but I'd be kidding myself to say that it doesn't have any. It's the public accounting, and it still smacks of failure, even when I know I've done well the rest of the week.

Failed to get to the gym today as well. I find myself in such an ambivalent position about Andre; on the sun hand, he's my best friend, and here my only friend, and I do love him dearly; on the moon, he's driving me absolutely nuts with his penchant for interrupting everything I'm doing so that it feels almost impossible to follow through with what I want to do. I would have gone to the gym if he hadn't come home when he did and alternatively, I prolly would have gotten more done on Storm Moon. Instead, I'm derailed by a lunch I didn't particularly want and the subsequent nap. And now he's sleeping. And it's not all his fault; I do recognize I can only be derailed if I permit myself to BE derailed... But the push and shove of interpersonal relationships is complicated, and I'm not the selfish c**t I'd sometimes like to be.

OTOH, I feel like I made some major progress on Storm Moon last night/this morning. I am starting to conceive of a time when I will NOT be working on SM, at least as an active endeavor. When I will be free to try my hand at short stories, or breaking more of Symbiosis (why WOULD Julien let Jorry take Eidan when she has the key?), or Morgan, or even Wolf Moon, the heir apparent.

I joined a new writer's forum today as well; one originally sponsored by Holly Lisle. I'm having problems navigating the site, but I do feel really excited about being there. Ran across Wen Spencer on the site--both she and Rachel Caine have journals on livejournal. I feel amazed and stunned at the thinning degrees of separation, and yet it makes me feel so hopeful as well; the possibility that I too will soon walk with giants.

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