2005-03-31 - 8:22 p.m.
I'm at a very weird place with Andre, just at this moment.
I had a really good day at work today, despite the frustration of the phones/ fax/ and network being all bunged up again (Thank you so fricking much, Little Prince, for forcing us to get this stupid T1 line...everything is so much faster now--when it works at all)! At least it meant I made some solid progress on SM. I'm only a few short sentences away from THE final scene, the denoument. I don't think anyone who's not me can understand how rapturous and exciting and absolutely terrifying this is! But who cares? I live mostly in my own head anyway, so anything that happens in the outside world is pure gravy.
And then I came home and watched the videos for Save a Prayer, Serious, and Come Undone, which has only affirmed my opinion that John Taylor is one of the hawtest men on the planet, and he's only gotten better with age.
And then I went back to work on SM and knocked out a few more precious sentences. Man, I was cooking, riding the high. I felt wonderful.
And now I'm all doldrum-y and gothic again, and frankly, I think this is Andre's damn fault. Grrr.
I don't even know if its the topic of our latest go-round that has me so down, or whether its simply the physical effort of yet another go-round with him. His obstinacy is just...exhausting. Exhausting, frustrating, irritating, depressing... And yet I came to California to hang out with him. I subjected myself to this. And though I love him like a brother, on days like today, I find it difficult to even like him.
So I'm going to look at my spanking new John Taylor wallpaper, take a deep breath, dive back into SM & see if I can shake this funk. I'm not going to let myself get bogged down in this yet again.