Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2004-12-05 - 5:25 p.m.

Nothing coherent today. Only bits and pieces, skimming from one to another like a water strider, and none of them particularly interesting.

WW today. I like the new leader so much more than Gwen (who truly must be Mary Gross's unacknowledged sister), so at least that's settled. Forgot my book, so I was stuck listening to the inane twitters of the matrons on my right, but life is seldom perfect, yes? Went to the gym right after. Misjudged time for yoga, which was irritating. I didn't spend as much time on cardio as I would've otherwise, b/c I thought I was going to yoga. The timing of mtg vs yoga will not work. Maybe I will start attending that step class instead. But I finally tried the elliptical, and I really, really like it. So as usual I was chickenshit for nothing.

More and more I've been thinking of the metaphor of life as cloth, and these moments when I'm alone as folds, never to be exposed or sunfaded. So many moments in time I wish I could preserve in amber like an insect, perfect for millenia. The hills of San Francisco rising like a backdrop of bejeweled velvet, incandescent and hopelessly beautiful. The loops and whorls of the roads, so strange to someone used to prosaic grid patterns. The mix of race and culture, so much more blase than in the Midwest, and so much less self-conscious. So much more common. Only going out in a hoodie in December and still driving with the windows down. The parking, so much more expensive and more difficult, despite its proliferation. These are all things I wish I could show the people at home, but words and pictures are never enough, are they?

Finally killed off Ben. I feel less about it than I do about killing off Jhonen, who has such a small part. But I think it holds together. And the bone razors on Min's arms; I finally worked those in as well, mostly as I pictured it. So close. So very close to the end. And yet it parallels my weight loss; the closer I get, the harder it gets to parse images from the murky well of my mind. I know where I have to go, but I'm just not sure of the way. Which--wow--feeds right back into "the way you do anything is the way you do everything".

Ain't it the goddamn truth??

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!