2005-03-13 - 8:06 p.m.
So they started a thread on the Jim Butcher list about...well, it started out about clothing sizes, but it quickly got into the whole dating mess.
Which really shouldn't be a big deal.
And for the most part, isn't a big deal. But I found myself getting so angry about it when one woman started trotting out the "there's somebody out there for everybody."
I mean, I know that platitudes exist for a reason. I recognize that on some level we need them; but I draw the line when we start passing off platitudes as truth.
As much as anyone (and maybe more) I would like to believe that particular platitude. Hell, I based an entire life around it. But it's not real, and it's not truth.
There are people who go through their entire lives alone.
Let me say it again:
There are people who go through their entire lives alone.
Not by choice. Certainly not by any sense of justice in the universe. Not because it's fair .
And when that situation is thrust upon you, when that is the lack of choice you are handed, it really burns to have that particular untruth pushed at you. Especially when you're in the ugly struggle to come to terms with that.
The fact is, I haven't come to terms with it. I think I may never comes to term with it; but what choice have I? It is what it is and couldn't have happened any other way. And so I felt/feel angry. Angry enough that I had to step away from the computer, for fear of sending out some flaming spew that would serve no purpose at all, least of all to me.
I recognize that too, you see.
And yet this anger that has been created must have somewhere to go or else begin its nauseating reabsorption into my self, and that I cannot have.
And so I release it here, fixed in light like a butterfly upon a page. I do not want it, I do not claim it, and so I will let it go.
