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2005-04-06 - 8:55 p.m.

Well, it wasn't Sawyer. I guess that's something.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled nattering...

Today I kept wondering why Jay told me about Eddie's wife having breast cancer. It was offered as such an offhand comment, but it related to nothing before or after. It came out of nowhere...except that nothing comes out of nowhere, and that makes me wonder where it did come from.

And I have to wonder--was it only to somehow inform me Eddie has a wife? And if so, why?

In my less egocentric moments (okay, moment, because it was only the one slip, which will never happen again, I swear) I think maybe it just weighed on his mind and he felt compelled to share.

But it still seems strange.

I mean, I've already established that while my radar is spot-on in almost every other situation, its an utter blackout when it comes to men and their potential interest in me. Men are the stealth bombers of my life. And while my natural flirtatiousness insures a certain flirtatiousness in return, very seldom does anything overtly intentional follow on its heels. Anomalies don't get a lot of dates.

After Friday, he'll be--more or less--gone, and I'll prolly never have any meaningful answer.

And while I'd love to be the ice-cold bodacious bitch I sometimes pretend to be, the truth is that I'm not. I don't believe in myself and my desireability enough to walk up to some guy and say, "You're a handsome devil, what's your name?" except in my own mind, and well after the fact.

So in the meantime, I guess I'm just going to sit and wonder...what the hell was that about?

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